Only Child

How many children do you have? We have one daughter. When she was little and we younger, the inevitable question followed - "when will you have another?" My preferred response would be the unspoken - "It's none of your business!" The response given was "one is perfect for us." Followed by the "Oh, that's too bad. She should have brothers and sisters." This came from family, friends and perfect strangers. Pity for Emily, pity for us, the assumption that there would be no more children because there was "something wrong" preventing us from having more.

But one is perfect for us or at least me. I know Larry would have accepted more children but he also acknowledges the fact more would have complicated our lives and put a strain on our limited resources.

When Em was younger, she sometimes wished for a sibling but as she has grown older, she sees the disadvantages as well as the advantages of siblings. She knows she is the center of our world, has all of our attention, doesn't have to share our time with anyone. She also realizes she would not have the type of possessions we have been able to afford her if there would have been siblings, or travel the way we have as a family; creating trips around her interests; picking up and taking off on a whim; not having to juggle several schedules in order to do so.

I cannot imagine my life with more then one child. When people would put doubt in my mind and I would start to feel guilty and wonder if I was cheating her of the right to have brothers and sisters, I came back to the conclusion I would actually be cheating her if my attention was divided among many. My love for her is so BIG, yet I cannot imagine having to divide it between several children. That, I feel, would be unfair to her.

Oh, I know parents of multiple children say there is enough love to go around; they love all their children equally but it's not that way for me. I have chosen to give all my love, affection, devotion, attention, time and resources to my one child, the love of my life, the center of my world.

ONE is good! and I would support any couple who feels the pressure of expectations to have several children to go with their own desires and realize a family of three is perfectly complete. Three completes the heart <3>

A cup of tea....

There is such simple pleasure in a cup of tea. It's soothing properties bring comfort on cool evenings. The warmth of the cup in the hands, the distinctive aroma rising from the hot liquid bring memories flooding back.

Memories of Christmas eves in front of the fire after everyone has gone to bed. The lights twinkling on the tree, packages wrapped and the rush complete. No more time for preperations. Time to just be. Time to think and reflect on the past , present and future.

Memories of favorite British comedies on the BBC snuggled into the pillows with a cuddly comforter. Are you Being Served?, Keeping up Appearances, Waiting for God...... These among many others make me laugh. Take me away from the everyday. Give me carefree pleasure.

Memories of being a child. Sick, home from school. Tea and Toast. Parental care, love and warmth. Feeling safe.

Memories of a tea in one hand and a good book in the other to wile away the hours on a rainy afternoon. Jane Austin, J.K. Rowling, Sir Arther Connan Doyle.....the list goes on....

Memories of conversations with family and friends. Joys, sorrows, hopes and dreams shared. Laughter and tears served in those many cups of tea.

There is nothing as relaxing or memorable as a cup of tea. Amazing what a simple beverage can do.

You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me. ~C.S. Lewis

Leap of Faith

When my grandmother was 18 years old, she took a leap of faith.
She married a man whom she neither knew nor loved.

• It was the beginning of the 20th century. All roads lead to America where the highways and byways were paved in gold, the contemporary land of milk and honey. For a young girl living in the shadow of the Tatra Mountains in the small farming community of Klenovec in the Slovak region of the Austro-Hungarian Empire where the roads were muddy and life was difficult, the opportunity to escape to a land with the promise of a better future was the golden ticket. Yet she would be leaving her family, friends and everything familiar for the unknown.

• She would travel across a vast expanse of ocean accompanied by a small trunk packed with her meager belongings among them a thick black woolen shawl spun and woven by her mother to keep her warm and a dowry of two cut crystal bowls. And she cried knowing she would never see her mother or her mountains again. Throughout the journey, her ears would ring with the begging and pleadings of her mother to her father not to send her, her baby, to such a far away place.

• Yet she went. Not because her father was cruel but because he knew she was going to a better place; to a man who would provide for and take care of her. She went because her older sister wouldn't. She went to marry the man her older sister promised to marry; a man who went to America to make a comfortable home for his future bride; to make enough money to send for her; to create a future that wouldn't have been possible in the shadow of the mountains. She went because her sister was too scared to keep her promise. She went because her father wished it and her future husband accepted it. She went because she closed her eyes and took a leap of faith.

• She came to America; to a new husband; a new life; a new future. She came to the land of milk and honey. She came to a steel town filled with soot and noise and people of all nationalities and faiths; where she didn't speak the language; didn't understand the customs. She came to please her father and her new husband. She came to give her future children a better life. She came to live in the shadow of the great furnace towers of the steel mills belching fire into the sky like the fabled dragons of her beloved mountains.

• She married a stranger whom she came to love. She gave birth to six children and buried one. Her four sons went off to war for her new country and with her vigilant prayers all came home. She raised a daughter with all the advantages she could provide. She kept her family connected to the heritage of the land with their cow and chickens and garden; cooked the food of her mother and grandmother and taught the language and customs of her homeland to her children. She had a house with modern amenities of which her own mother could never have dreamed; found community in her church and helped her younger sister come to a better life. She created a world for herself with strength and humility; courage and hope; love and faith.

• She came to America; to a better life; a better world then that of her father. She left a lasting legacy for her family, her children, and all the future generations through which her blood will flow.

• My grandmother, Zuzanna Kolesar Tomo, a woman I would love to have known; a women whose name is carried by my mother, my daughter and myself; a woman who died before I was born, a woman whose story I cherish. She is an inspiration and a role model - but most of all she was a young girl who took a leap of faith.

Beginning a Record of the Ordinary

I have always wished I could have known what the lives of my grandparents were like when they were little, young adults, my age, etc.... You see, all four of my grandparents died before I was born. There were no diaries or journals left behind recording everyday happenings, things which may have seemed insignificant to them but would mean the world to me. There are few photos recording what their homes looked like, how they were furnished or what exciting new conveniences became available during their lifetimes. I don't know how my grandmothers felt about their washing machines or how my grandfathers felt about their first cars. They all saw massive changes in society and technology prior to 1961. But the richness of their everyday lives is lost to time.

My paternal grandparents were born in Pennsylvania in the late 19th century. My maternal grandparents were born in Slovakia under the rule of the Austrian-Hungarian Empire just after the turn of the 20th century. All were gone by 1961, so I never was able to sit and listen to their stories or ask questions about what life was like for them.

My paternal grandparents were a part of the massive social changes at the turn of the 20th century. They witnessed the first world war. My grandmother died shortly after the end of the war of tuberculosis in 1923. My paternal grandfather lived on to witness the prosperity of the post war '20s and the economic crash of 1929 committing suicide in December of that year having lost everything. My father was an orphan at age 9 along with 11 other siblings of which he was the youngest.

My maternal grandparents left their homes for a better life in America during the great immigrations at the beginning of the 20th century coming through Ellis Island to the country where the roads were said to be paved with gold. My grandfather came first as a bachelor to establish himself and send for his fiancee, my grandmother's elder sister. By the time he was able to send for her, the romance of the idea of beginning a new life in America had worn off and she refused to come. As my great-grandparents had promised him a wife, they sent their younger daughter, my grandmother, to an unknown life with a man she barely knew far from home. They married and established a life for themselves. They too witnessed the first world war, experienced the prosperity of the '20s, sent four sons off to fight in the second world war and welcomed them all home again, raised a daughter and lived to become grandparents to my uncles' children. My grandfather bore witness to the massive changes the unions brought about to working conditions in the steel mills and died in 1958 of cancer caused by decades of hard labor in the mill. My grandmother followed him two years later also dying of cancer without ever seeing her homeland or parents again.

My grandparents were ordinary people living ordinary lives in extraordinary times. They lived full lives. The same as we do today. I hope to make sure the richness of my family's everday life is not lost to time by creating this blog to record the ordinary, the mundane and to us what may seem insignificant but could be a treasure trove to future generations. I'm choosing to start this adventure on the eve of my birthday as a gift to myself and my family.