Toujours à Paris

Paris - la ville de mes rêves et mon coeur - vos souvenirs resteront avec moi pour toujours

My mind often goes back to the time I spent in Paris during my college years. A city of history; a city of glamour; a city of mystery; a city of art; a city of the world. For a mid-western girl, it was the ultimate cosmopolitan experience.

It was fall in the city. The strolls along the Seine, the changing leaves rustling in the breeze, created an enchantment unsurpassed anywhere in the world. The monuments and museums offered rainy afternoon explorations of masterpieces and history. The most amazing aromas wafted out of the patisseries and cafes lining the sidewalks of the city. The artists surrounding Notre Dame and the book vendors along the river gave endless hours of pleasure. Dusty reliques of the past were waiting to be discovered in enchanting antique shops in St. Germaine. The hidden gardens of the city, the fountains, the children playing in the parks, lovers snuggling on benches along tree lined paths, aging gentlemen concentrating on a game of chess, elderly couples walking hand in hand, the scenes of the city play over and over in my mind like the reels of a movie.

I will never forget my times in Paris, just a train ride away from my home at the time.

Adieu, Paris, vous allez vivre dans mes rêves jusqu’à ce que nous nous reverrons.

That Old Brown Paisley Quilt

That Old Brown Paisley Quilt

I remember that night in our secret place.

We were star-gazing lovers, brings a smile to my face

You were only sixteen but I loved you so

I never ever wanted to let you go

As we lie down on that old brown paisley quilt.

You’re my life, my music, my song.

I’m your boy with a love so strong.

My tiny dancer twirling ‘neath the starry skies

True love’s circle as I gaze into your eyes.

And we lie down on that old brown paisley quilt.

Our kisses last forever on that soft summer night

Everything felt perfect, everything was right

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a ring

A little silver circle; such a simple thing.

And we lie down on that old brown paisley quilt.

Still can’t believe that you really were mine

Such a lucky guy words are still hard to find

How sorry I am I had to leave you alone.

Those September nights on the long distance phone

As you lie down on that old brown paisley quilt

My empty arms and tears on you face

So many things I wish I could erase.

Distance and time have taken their toll

but you’re still my heart and the spark of my soul

As you lie down on that old brown paisley quilt.

I remember that night in our secret place.

I promised to love you, the smile on your face.

The stars in the sky, the moon shining bright

Now I promise you I’ll make everything right

And we’ll lie down on that old brown paisley quilt.

With that little silver circle back in its place …….

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy
So much is happening.....Emily is growing up.
She's 15 now and a beautiful young lady.
I wish you could see her.
She still dances...but now it's on her toes.
She's a ballerina, Daddy, and a good one.
She's very girly but she likes sports, too.
She and Larry enjoy the Indians games and watch football together.
Soccer is her newest love.
She's on the high school soccer team.
Her favorite color is purple.
She sings.
She draws.
She has your talent.
She has your nose.
She's pretty, smart and funny.
She's still a social butterfly.
She's the sun, the moon and the stars.

She has a young man in her life, Daddy.
I think you would really like him.
He reminds me a lot of both you and Larry.
He's going to be 17.
His birthday is 2 days before yours and 7 days before Larry's.
There's something extremely attractive about September men.
He is kind, generous and hard-working.
He absolutely adores her.
She's his princess just as she was yours.
She loves him.
He's her prince riding to her rescue.

I wish you could see them.
The way he looks at her.
The way she hops around when she knows she'll see him.
The way he kisses her on the forehead when she falls asleep on his shoulder.
The way she smiles when she talks about him.
The way they walk holding hands.
The way they talk on the phone every night.

Hummmm....It sound like a young man and woman you knew.

Is it a forever love?
The one you watched bloom was.
This one?

We like him, Daddy.
We like him a lot.
He's good for her.
He grounds her without clipping her wings.
They're so young.
They're so crazy about each other.
Their future is a big blank canvas.

I worry.
I worry about broken hearts.
I worry her world will fall apart again.
I watched a boy break our baby's heart.
I watched her crumble.
I watched her loose her self-esteem.
I watched as my girl disappeared.
I held her while she cried.
I couldn't make it better.
Mommy's kisses weren't magic this time.

I watched while Wes fixed it.
I watched him build her back up.
His patience.
His gentleness.
His kindness.
His strength.
He patched her back together.
Kissed the hurt away.
Encouraged her free spirit to fly again.

We owe that boy more then he will ever know.
He gave us our baby back.

So much is happening......

I hope you can see.

I love you ........ your baby girl - Me

Spring

I can't believe it's the end of March! What happened to the time between Halloween and Easter? Christmas has come and gone as well as New Years, Valentine's Day, Emily's birthday and St. Patrick's Day. The years fly by so fast now.

I remember when my mother used to say that and I would just laugh. I had all the time in the world.

Now as we prepare this year to celebrate Larry's 50th birthday, having already celebrated Emily's 15, move towards our 18th wedding anniversary in October and, dare I say it, my 46th birthday in August, I realize that all the time in the world is slipping by quickly, ...very quickly.

I have done a lot in my life compared to others. I've lived in Europe as well as the United States. I've gone to college and received a degree. I've married the man I love and have continued to love and be loved by him for more then 20 years. I've given birth to a beautiful daughter who brings joy to my life everyday. I've owned my own business. I have wonderful, lifelong friends. I have a lovely home and a great family.

But there is so much more I have to do.

• I want to travel....England, Ireland, Scotland. I want to take Emily to Paris. I want to visit Lebanon with Mona. I want to walk the Great Wall, see the Pyramids of Giza, wonder the streets of Rome and the hills of Tuscany, touch the ancient walls of Jerusalem. I want to experience Sweden with Helene, Transylvania with Larry and Slovakia with my family.
  

• I want to read so much more.....about history, the novels of Jane Austin, Charles Dickens, and more 19th century authors, about gardening and traveling and people following their dreams by living in France (Peter Mayle) and Italy (Frances Meyers).

• I want to renovate a beautiful old home and once again breath life into it.
  

• I want to cook lovely things found in lovely cookbooks then eat them!

• I want to once again live abroad, expand my vision, learn different styles of living.

• I want to loose 40 lbs.

• I want to create and let my imagination soar without the limits of time or pocketbook.

I have so much more I want to do and so little time.........

Only Child

How many children do you have? We have one daughter. When she was little and we younger, the inevitable question followed - "when will you have another?" My preferred response would be the unspoken - "It's none of your business!" The response given was "one is perfect for us." Followed by the "Oh, that's too bad. She should have brothers and sisters." This came from family, friends and perfect strangers. Pity for Emily, pity for us, the assumption that there would be no more children because there was "something wrong" preventing us from having more.

But one is perfect for us or at least me. I know Larry would have accepted more children but he also acknowledges the fact more would have complicated our lives and put a strain on our limited resources.

When Em was younger, she sometimes wished for a sibling but as she has grown older, she sees the disadvantages as well as the advantages of siblings. She knows she is the center of our world, has all of our attention, doesn't have to share our time with anyone. She also realizes she would not have the type of possessions we have been able to afford her if there would have been siblings, or travel the way we have as a family; creating trips around her interests; picking up and taking off on a whim; not having to juggle several schedules in order to do so.

I cannot imagine my life with more then one child. When people would put doubt in my mind and I would start to feel guilty and wonder if I was cheating her of the right to have brothers and sisters, I came back to the conclusion I would actually be cheating her if my attention was divided among many. My love for her is so BIG, yet I cannot imagine having to divide it between several children. That, I feel, would be unfair to her.

Oh, I know parents of multiple children say there is enough love to go around; they love all their children equally but it's not that way for me. I have chosen to give all my love, affection, devotion, attention, time and resources to my one child, the love of my life, the center of my world.

ONE is good! and I would support any couple who feels the pressure of expectations to have several children to go with their own desires and realize a family of three is perfectly complete. Three completes the heart <3>

A cup of tea....

There is such simple pleasure in a cup of tea. It's soothing properties bring comfort on cool evenings. The warmth of the cup in the hands, the distinctive aroma rising from the hot liquid bring memories flooding back.

Memories of Christmas eves in front of the fire after everyone has gone to bed. The lights twinkling on the tree, packages wrapped and the rush complete. No more time for preperations. Time to just be. Time to think and reflect on the past , present and future.

Memories of favorite British comedies on the BBC snuggled into the pillows with a cuddly comforter. Are you Being Served?, Keeping up Appearances, Waiting for God...... These among many others make me laugh. Take me away from the everyday. Give me carefree pleasure.

Memories of being a child. Sick, home from school. Tea and Toast. Parental care, love and warmth. Feeling safe.

Memories of a tea in one hand and a good book in the other to wile away the hours on a rainy afternoon. Jane Austin, J.K. Rowling, Sir Arther Connan Doyle.....the list goes on....

Memories of conversations with family and friends. Joys, sorrows, hopes and dreams shared. Laughter and tears served in those many cups of tea.

There is nothing as relaxing or memorable as a cup of tea. Amazing what a simple beverage can do.

You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me. ~C.S. Lewis

Leap of Faith

When my grandmother was 18 years old, she took a leap of faith.
She married a man whom she neither knew nor loved.

• It was the beginning of the 20th century. All roads lead to America where the highways and byways were paved in gold, the contemporary land of milk and honey. For a young girl living in the shadow of the Tatra Mountains in the small farming community of Klenovec in the Slovak region of the Austro-Hungarian Empire where the roads were muddy and life was difficult, the opportunity to escape to a land with the promise of a better future was the golden ticket. Yet she would be leaving her family, friends and everything familiar for the unknown.

• She would travel across a vast expanse of ocean accompanied by a small trunk packed with her meager belongings among them a thick black woolen shawl spun and woven by her mother to keep her warm and a dowry of two cut crystal bowls. And she cried knowing she would never see her mother or her mountains again. Throughout the journey, her ears would ring with the begging and pleadings of her mother to her father not to send her, her baby, to such a far away place.

• Yet she went. Not because her father was cruel but because he knew she was going to a better place; to a man who would provide for and take care of her. She went because her older sister wouldn't. She went to marry the man her older sister promised to marry; a man who went to America to make a comfortable home for his future bride; to make enough money to send for her; to create a future that wouldn't have been possible in the shadow of the mountains. She went because her sister was too scared to keep her promise. She went because her father wished it and her future husband accepted it. She went because she closed her eyes and took a leap of faith.

• She came to America; to a new husband; a new life; a new future. She came to the land of milk and honey. She came to a steel town filled with soot and noise and people of all nationalities and faiths; where she didn't speak the language; didn't understand the customs. She came to please her father and her new husband. She came to give her future children a better life. She came to live in the shadow of the great furnace towers of the steel mills belching fire into the sky like the fabled dragons of her beloved mountains.

• She married a stranger whom she came to love. She gave birth to six children and buried one. Her four sons went off to war for her new country and with her vigilant prayers all came home. She raised a daughter with all the advantages she could provide. She kept her family connected to the heritage of the land with their cow and chickens and garden; cooked the food of her mother and grandmother and taught the language and customs of her homeland to her children. She had a house with modern amenities of which her own mother could never have dreamed; found community in her church and helped her younger sister come to a better life. She created a world for herself with strength and humility; courage and hope; love and faith.

• She came to America; to a better life; a better world then that of her father. She left a lasting legacy for her family, her children, and all the future generations through which her blood will flow.

• My grandmother, Zuzanna Kolesar Tomo, a woman I would love to have known; a women whose name is carried by my mother, my daughter and myself; a woman who died before I was born, a woman whose story I cherish. She is an inspiration and a role model - but most of all she was a young girl who took a leap of faith.